This is very difficult for me to write because I have a Christian background. I have a background with God, too. And my whole life I have had gifts of the spirit, gifts that allow me to understand another’s inner heart.
And today I find myself at a cross roads. I left the church at some point between 15 and 20 yrs old. It was a falling out of being very disappointed and in some ways feeling, perhaps a bit betrayed.
I left the church but not my love for spirituality, nor my love and respect for God. I have many stories I am going to share with you over time but for the sake of this writing, I want to keep it short and yet let you know who I am, what I want to do here and so on.
About God
Transforming Fear into Love
My journey has been a long one and taken many twists and turns. Some things I don’t remember. When was it that I knew God was in my life?
I have had profound moments and those I remember exactly. I remember praying when I was 5 years old. I wanted to move homes. I prayed to move when was 10. I remember powerful moments when God was in my life, mystical experiences and ecstasies. I remember being saddened by the Church, testing out many different denominations, and then leaving the Church altogether.
There were deep and powerful revivals. I remember when the ecstasies ceased, and I remember coming to Canada. But I also remember the times God spoke with me, leading me, correcting me, the guidance… “Are you too proud to accept help?”
No matter what I have been doing, God was there. He always has been.
In 2015 I had had dreams of a coming storm, an oppression coming from the east, and I began a new journey. I started actively practising changing out any fear I had, for love. I believe it as the true work of any Christian, of any spiritual person in a deeper spiritual practice to transform all fear into places of love and healing. And here we are today.
That is the short of it.
Skipping past all the things I learned along the way, today, I would say the most important thing I have learned is that I do not need to doubt the presence of God.
In some ways it seems to me the church had always has been there forever. When I went to church and if people did not like me or even want me around, I took that to mean that because these people whom I saw as the stewards of the church did not like me, then neither did God. I took it that the Christians of the church spoke for God. I was not welcome in that building, that home, that congregation.
So in some strange way I was with God, but outside the church. Outside Christianity.
God is still with me and I have been blessed, privileged, that God has shared with me the depth of his love for you, his compassion, his deepest desire to have you talk with him.
He asked me many years ago, “Would you share your relationship you have with me, with others?” I was immediately taken aback. My relationship with him was so personal, so intimate. I really hesitated then.
Even though I never said no, he knew my hesitation. He said “Would you stand between people and myself… that people will not come to know me and love me? that I may never know their love?”
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I could never do that… stand between God and you. So many years have gone by and I have learned a lifetime of things. My cross roads is this – am I a Christian? or just a person of God?
My cross roads is also that having been given a deep understanding of God’s heart, do I follow that or do I try to fit into today’s current Christian climate? What should be my path?
I have never really fit into the church. I still don’t really.
It is interesting watching many of the crusades that are currently going on, and all the pastors talk about the supernatural being normal, being natural to God. It’s like they are saying “mysticism is ok with God”, basically. They also seem to be saying that God is not in many of the churches. That is what I saw too, but then for me I see the spirit of God in the mountains, hovering in the space above lakes, and in precious and sacred places.
I was with God, but lived in two kinds of worlds. In Church there were so many experiences I could not talk about because it was taboo. Mysticism was not welcomed. And when I had left the Church as was in a New Age venue, the same thing happened but in this case it was the Christian faith that was barely tolerated. Mysticism is not really welcomed.
My choice is going to be to continue to follow God and share what I have been taught and what I am given to share with you. I am going to stand forward with what I have been given though I don’t fit into any one world.
Because of the teaching I have been given, a language if you will, of the nature of God and his world, I will share how many of the spiritual teachings in the Bible look to me. Teachings without the ‘religiousity’.
I am going to talk about the beginnings of us as a people, what was our past and where we are going, about the fall, about the dark spirits and about our true home. Our future is not written in stone, but in the words of God, patterns that are in your hearts. I will show you those.
I will sometimes use the bible stories to teach and share by, because they are part of the language I was shown, like we talk about archetypes (though I call them constructs) and how we can each access those same teachings because they are a part of how we were made by God. So you have a direct phone line if you will. It is already wired in. I will share all these as I have known them, without religiousity, without the religion, without the organization of the church.
I will share with you how I was taught to pray, the importance of feeling and being able to walk in prayer. How to be it. And it is from here you can heal others, the meaning of ‘the word made manifest’ and many other concepts, truths, but they all need to be lived.